What is an Honorable excuse?
When will I be sure of my path? Or is mine the only one that zigs and zags? I see potential sitting up on the hill and strive towards it, only to veer off in another direction, which I think is the path God wants me to take. I see many people creating, achieving, and living their best lives. Yet, I can never seem to experience what I see in others. Not the Fake Book others, the ones that are quietly moving forward with confidence as they publish, paint, grow, and create ripple effects of inspiration and faith for the many that continue to journey with their spiritual directions clutched in hand.
To be clear, this is no quest for glittering gold. It is just an honest request from me to God. Am I supposed to be doing something else? Because that sneaky old tape that winds its way through my self-esteem still asks, "Is this it, God?" And the committee of idiots in my head question, "Where is the book God asked you to write? What happened to the devotional outline? You turned down another speaking engagement?" I shake the voices away and whisper a more challenging question: Why don't I feel worthy to do what I desire and what you keep calling me to do? I began to pray, focused on Jeremiah 29:11(NIV). For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, and plans to give you hope and a future. I heard that quiet, soft voice, "Dawn, you have become adept at using honorable excuses to avoid me."
Honorable Excuses look lovely on the outside. Who could question the mission of a noble-serving woman? I am helping others, facilitating meetings, coordinating the church's functions, sponsoring women in recovery, jumping out of jobs to make more money, and advancing my career. I'm a rock star! I'm achieving and finding purpose. Right? I shine when I am humbly helping. Inside, though, I am filled with frustrated sadness as I once again turn away from the very treasure he has in store for me.
The season of using honorable excuses as a way of gently disobeying the very will of God began to pinch like a pointed-toe shoe. God had sent people, opportunities, lessons, and much more the minute I had asked for direction to His will. Every time, I chose an expertly disguised path of serving others to dodge the fear. I feared failure and shame. My self-esteem is a shroud of unworthiness. I could give myself to Him through achieving for your good, but I could not show up for myself. This realization of what I was doing stopped me in my tracks. I had to pray for help and forgiveness. Armed with a heaven-sent compass and a new set of directions, I began to say "no" more to others and yes to a whole new journey filled with fear, reconciliation, and a God who wants more for me than I could ever dream.
Reflection:
Matthew 6:21 (MSG) The place where our treasure is is the place you will most want to be and end up being.
Call to Action:
Does this ring a bell for you? We have to move the wreckage out of the way before we can build something new. Pray for his vision and make a list of all the barriers keeping you from your dreams. What is one step you could take today to begin a new plan drafted by God?
